A Self-differentiated person is more likely to be an ethical person

During the last six years I have been privileged to be part of the Lombard Mennonite Peace Center Clergy Clinic in Family Systems theory. Specifically we have met three times a year for three days each to participate in learning about Bowen Family Systems Theory (BFST) and its relationship to one's own place in one's family of origin and one's ability to be a better leader in the church. Above all what has been stressed is that it is important for a pastoral leader (or any leader for that matter) to know who he/she is and to be able to differentiate from those around him/her. The best leader is a self-differentiated leader.

The language from Dr. Murray Bowen, the founder of the Georgetown Family Center, comes from medicine. The healthiest cells in the human body are those who do what they are supposed to do without "globbing" with other cells. For example, cancer cells multiply at a tremendous rate and are not differentiated from one another. So it is that human beings are most faithful to their individuality when they do not "glob" with other human beings, when they often do not think for themselves. If one is enmeshed in their own family growing up, one is likely to be enmeshed (like barbed wire) into leadership and other groups.

Being self-differentiated has enormous implications for leadership. I think it has enormous implications for ethics as well. Because of the ability to define one's self and to set boundaries that a self-differentiated person has I believe that he/she is more likely to be an ethical person.

One just needs to think about immature/growing into maturity life to exemplify this. When an adolescent is growing up he/she is beginning to define his/herself. If someone who doesn't have a great deal of self (self-esteem) is asked by peers to do something unethical or immoral, he/she may likely do so.

One might think that the family would have a greater effect on this individual's ethical behavior, if the family is close. But if the family is too close, the individual youth may feel suffocated and may be looking for an escape from his/her too close world. The person more likely to be ethical is the one brought up to think for him/herself with the family's mindful direction in the background.

I have written in the past that the person's upbringing may well make the difference in their living consistently between personal and public morality. In our BSFT sessions at Lombard Center we have regularly studied the genograms (family history with meaning) of famous people who have demonstrated that the modeling and/or genetics of parents have led to their lack of consistency in behavior in their lives. There seems to be a definite predilection to both undifferentiated personhood and difficulty with morality when one has had poor models for their lives during the key years of growing up.

There is hope for those who are effected negatively. One can retrace the steps of their life through their genogram (geneology with life-story) and become a little bit more defined from that history. There is hope for all of us in growing in our ethics. We can become a little bit more reflective on who we are and then grow in our ethical behavior. By the grace of God and with the use of our God-given reason we can become both more self-differentiated and more ethical.