"Respecting all People"

One of the key virtues human beings should bring to any relationship is respect. If someone respects another person, that will keep those two people in an ongoing relationship, no matter what their differences may be. However, if respect is lacking the relationship itself is in jeopardy, for the other person really doesn’t validate you as a person.

The lack of respect is evidenced in so many places in our world today. We certainly see it in many marriages and other committed relationships today. Pastors do pre-marriage guidance before marrying couples, usually centering in on what is most important to maintain and grow the relationship. Several years ago, I had couples use a pre-marriage tool to prioritize what is important in marriage. One card had the statement that the most important things in order in a relationship are these. Then there were eight or ten items in an order. They could simply agree or disagree on the statement and the prioritized list. The items on the card included such things as sex and love near the top. But the very first item of highest priority was respect (meaning “respect is most important to a relationship.”) It was surprising that many individuals preparing to be married agreed with the items and order of the list. As we got to discuss all the important characteristics valued in a relationship, the real goal of the exercise, it was still clear that respect was most important to the relationship. The rationale most often given is that you can have all the rest, but if you really don’t respect the other person, the relationship is not valued by both persons and will fail.

Respect is also important in our global world. We are to be respecter of all persons, regardless of gender, race, or creed. Even if someone has a major difference of opinion in how to have or maintain the relationship, if there is respect people will show up for carrying on negotiation about factors maintaining the relationship and may work it out. Unfortunately, today we see a loss of respect for other religions and other races. Leaders in the world, including U.S. leaders, are taking a position that enough damage in the relationship has occurred by several members of a religion or race that the whole group have lost respect. Knowing how devastating disrespect is on a marriage relationship, one can only begin to see what the result of dissing whole worlds may be.

There is also the issue of respect for our elected and public officials. In our polarized environment this respect, or in some cases “love of the enemy,” has not been given. Admittedly it is difficult to do when there is strong disagreement on the means to the end in government. But at least there should be the basic respect of those who have held the office of president by those who follow in that office. One wonders what the outcome might be of the disrespect we see between people in our current leadership and those who went immediately before. The path taken is certainly not recommend in Dale Carnegie’s old book on “how to win friends and influence people.” One wonders as well if the lack of respect includes some racism, or at least openness to blur the lines of disrespect in terms of race, even as the lack of global respect blurs the lines in terms of religion.

Respect is the basis of a civil society. If two people agree that they are equals and have different opinions, but they are entitled to their own point of view, then there is the basis of a relationship and the possibility of working together. Respect begins at the point of realizing that there are some things not worth giving up in order to get our way, and one of those—whether in marriage, international affairs, or the U.S. presidency—is that of respecting another human being.